I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
