if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
