Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
