Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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