also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
