He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
