I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
