my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
