you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
