Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
