I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
