Nicole vs. Life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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