If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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