So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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