No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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