Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
