Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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