the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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