my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
