What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
