My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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