I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
