My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
