Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
