i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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