he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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