Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
