how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
