Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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