I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
