I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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