Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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