so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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