i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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