Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
