Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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