Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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