My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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