Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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