Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's the barista slut.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize