if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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