Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
