I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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