is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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