I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
