On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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