i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
