his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
