Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
