Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
