why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
