we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize