remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
