Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
