I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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