its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
