i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
