Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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