Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize