I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
