How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
