..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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