Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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