3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
