Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
