I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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