So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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