we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How does one acquire holy water?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
