hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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